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Injuries Make the AL East a Free-For-All
Brian Roberts’ return could be crucial for the Orioles.
The Baltimore Orioles have paid Brian Roberts $30 million over the past three seasons. In return for their investment the O’s have received a paltry 21 doubles, seven home runs and 39 RBIs. After battling through back and hip injuries, and post-concussion syndrome, Roberts returned to Baltimore’s starting lineup for Tuesday’s season opener against the Tampa Rays. Roberts chipped in two hits and scored a run in the O’s 7-4 win.
A Proliferation of Boogers
Cold and flu season has left our home awash in boogers, used tissues, and snail trail. My wife and I are constantly reminding the kids to cover their face when they sneeze, use a tissue rather than their sleeve, and imploring them to stop wiping their runny nose on the sofa.
The sofa? Come on guys! I know you’re 6 and 3 but Jesus Christ the tissue box is eight feet away.
If the snail trails on the sofa weren’t bad enough my 3 yo princess ramped up the booger warfare to a new level the other night. She was walking up the stairs carrying her pillow and blanket to get ready for bedtime. I was walking behind prodding her along. As she got to the top of the steps she bent over quickly, lowered her head, and popped back up. I was immediately suspicious.
I asked her if she dropped something. “Nope”, she responded. Then I looked down and saw a slimy spot on the carpet. Goddamnit!
“Did you wipe your nose on the carpet!?!”
A sly grin came over her face, “yeah.”
To make matters worse, the bathroom is right at the top of the steps which means she was about 12 feet from a roll of toilet paper and all the nose wiping she could handle. Her older brother hasn’t gotten quite that creative but I’m sure he has something up his snot-covered sleeve.
We’re not dealing with a rookery of albatross, a coalition of cheetahs, or an implausibility of gnus. What we’re dealing with is much more sinister - a proliferation of boogers.
Where’s the strangest place your little one has wiped their nose?